“To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless.”
The real secret to any kind of relationship is each person having healthy boundaries. Boundaries are lines drawn to protect your own heart and soul from crossing over to unhealthy interactions. Yet, while it sound simple, establishing good boundaries in relationships can take work and can be tricky. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend explain how to do it the right way in Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life.
I have seen Boundaries pop up in different articles and blogs throughout the years, but had never read the original book. I thought I was pretty clear on how to set them, but thought I should read the book to make sure I knew how to do it directly from the source. I requested it from my local library and got a copy within a week.
The book is divided into three sections. The first describes what boundaries are, including common problems with boundaries, how to develop them, the ten laws of boundaries and common boundary myths. The second session is about types of boundary conflicts. This section was very interesting to read as the chapters are broken down to cover different types of relationships and how boundaries should be used, including in marriage, parenting, work, with yourself and with God. The third section is about developing healthy boundaries and shows how a life without boundaries compares to one with boundaries.
I really liked how the book can apply to parenting by setting good limits and following through. It’s important to teach children how to set boundaries as well. The authors also go over common pitfalls and explain in depth how setting boundaries means taking other people’s feelings into consideration, but knowing that ultimately, you are responsible for you and they are responsible for them.
I would recommend this book to any and every adult. I think we all have relationships with people that are harder than others and Boundaries will help a lot with those. There are also specific books available that go more in-depth with boundaries and marriage, kids, teens and dating.
Are you familiar with Boundaries? If so, share how you’ve used them in your life!