“Human beings are not that inventive, and the ways we struggle in relationships are surprisingly predictable.”
What if you could find out your specific love style and learn how that is affecting your relationships? The Yerkovichs have spent decades in counseling and have developed a system where by looking at how you were imprinted as a child, you have a certain way of relating with people. There’s the avoider who has learned to put emotions aside. There’s the pleaser who will look to appease. There’s the vacillator who loves the chase. There’s the victim who has not learned to stand up for himself or herself. There’s also the controller who needs to be in charge. Most people fall into one of these categories, but some do have a healthy view of love.
I heard about How We Love on a Focus on the Family podcast and added it to my list of books to read. It came available from my local library as an ebook after just a few weeks. The authors also have a Web site and workbook that go along with the book.
How We Love spends the first part of the book explaining how people end up falling into the different categories. Mostly, it depends on how we each grew up and how well our parents loved and comforted us. It shows how important it is for parents to help children deal with emotions and feelings in healthy ways. Then, the book explains how the different combinations work in marriage. Finally, the book gives great tips to help couples overcome the differences in their love styles and learn to communicate and bond better. The book suggests a style of communicating called the Comfort Circle, using specific questions and using “soul words” to best explain feelings.
I think How We Love would be a great resource for any marriage and would actually be great to read during the engagement process to help the couple know each other better. You can take a quiz to know your love style and find resources at https://howwelove.com.
What is your love style? Share in the comments below!