Relationships are the foundation of our lives. We all are surrounded by people – coworkers, friends, family and the people we meet throughout the week. While there are scores of books about how to make relationships better, I’ve come up with a list of the ten I’ve found most helpful in the past few years. Here are my top ten relationship books:
Learn to apologize
1. When Sorry Isn’t Enough by James Chapman and Jennifer Thomas
You may have heard of the Five Love Languages, but have you heard about the Apology Languages? We all do things we need to apologize for, but an effective apology is one that speaks to the person’s heart that we want to forgive us. When Sorry Isn’t Enough goes through the different types of apologies, how to find your apology language and that of your loved ones, and how to deal with the other consequences in life when people hurt you. Forgiveness, trust and counseling are also addressed in the book.
Read the full review here.
Know yourself
2. The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron
The Enneagram is a personality system based on a person’s innate motivations. Broken down into nine types, the Enneagram can give a person insight into why they tend to make their choices they make in life. This system also realizes that each person can have nuances, so each type has two wings and then reaches toward another type when stressed and a different type when in a growth mode. While it can sound complicated, The Road Back to You breaks down each type into an easy-to-understand format. Each number has a chapter and describes that person in-depth. Readers won’t walk away wondering which number they are – they’ll know.
Read the full review here.
Protect yourself
3. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
The real secret to any kind of relationship is each person having healthy boundaries. Boundaries are lines drawn to protect your own heart and soul from crossing over to unhealthy interactions. Yet, while it sound simple, establishing good boundaries in relationships can take work and can be tricky. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend explain how to do it the right way in Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life.
Read the full review here.
Our lives our made of moments. As the song in Rent says, each year has 525,600 minutes in it and we fill it with the mundane, the exciting and the dreadful. We tend to remember the highs and the lows, but it we don’t have many of those, then the time seems to meld together and we don’t remember much of what happens on a day-to-day basis when we look back. The Power of Moments suggest we need to intentionally create more meaningful moments in our lives to live fully. It can be a simple as using the good China for a birthday meal to making a person’s first day on the job a welcoming event instead of an afterthought.
Read the full review here.
Know others
5. The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin
The Four Tendencies looks at how people meet expectations – internal ones like New Year’s Resolutions and external ones like work deadlines. Upholders meet both fairly easily. Obligers meet external well, but not internal. Need to have outside accountability so internal expectations are external. Questioners only do things for a good reason, which makes all expectations internal. Rebels only do what they want to do when they want to do it. (You can take the quiz to find out who you are here.) It gives a lot of tips for each tendency in how to find the ways that work so a person can do what he or she wants to do. It applies to family, friendship, work relationships and even the best way to deal with a doctor/patient relationship.
Read the full review here.
Learn to connect
6. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Most of us deal with people every day from our immediate families to coworkers to people we encounter in stores, restaurants and on the phone. Interacting with people can be easy – sometimes; but it’s often hard, especially when you’re disagreeing or trying to get someone’s attention. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a how-to manual in how to both make friends and influence people to either listen to you or even come around to your point of view. The lessons in the book are applicable to marriages, parent-child relationships, work relationship and friendships.
Read the full review here.
Learn to listen
7. I Hear You by Michael S. Sorenson
We all just want to be heard. At least, that’s what Michael Sorenson builds his book around, with many, many stories to back up his claim. I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships gives readers tips on how to make any relationship better by slowing down and listening in order to validate the person you are talking with. It seems simple, yet it takes practice and intention – and it can change each of your relationships.
Read the full review here.
Learn your personality types
8. Reading People by Anne Bogel
The author starts Reading People with talking about introverts and extroverts. It’s not about shy vs. outgoing, but about how a person gets energized. She then reviews high sensitive people, the five love languages, Myers-Briggs, cognitive function, StrengthsFinder and Enneagram. In addition to reviewing what the personality types are in each style, she explores how it affects marriage, friendship and parenting. I found the parenting aspects most interesting. She also ends the book saying that your personality type is not your destiny, but by knowing what your innate tendencies are, you can focus on sharpening your strengths and working on your weaknesses.
Read the full review here.
Choose wisely
9. The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst
There is more to life than just saying yes or no to things. Oftentimes, we say yes because we feel we should or we have the time or we don’t want to let others down. In The Best Yes, Lysa TerKeurst explores the idea of choosing the “best yes.” The best yes is saying yes to the things that are the most important – finding the best ways to use our time.
Read the full review here.
Respect the introvert
10. Quiet by Susan Cain
Extroverts are often put on a pedestal in our society, but are they really the ones who get it all done? Or do introverts also make a deep mark on our world? Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking explores the positive sides of introversion and how introverts can make a difference. I stumbled upon this book because it was mentioned several times in For the Love by Jen Hatmaker. The book is for everyone because it also gives extroverts skills on how to recognize introverts and how they tend to act so they can then bring out the ideas from introverts.
Read the full review here.
What other books would you add to this list? What is the key to a good relationship? Share on the blog!