“Relationships will always matter more than rules. If we have a good relationship with you, we’ll follow your rules even if we don’t agree with them. We do it because we love and respect you.”
Parenting can be hard, even with “easy” kids. When you have a strong-willed child, parenting can become a daily battle of wills. You Can’t Make Me gives parents insight into how a strong-willed child thinks, what motivates him or her and how to best interact with that child to encourage good behavior. The worst thing to do to a strong-willed child is to say, “or else!” The best thing to do is give choices and consequences, explain why and then gently persuade a child you have a solid relationship with.
I heard Cynthia Tobias talk about You Can’t Make Me on a podcast. I put it on my to-read list and borrowed the audiobook from the library. Tobias admits that she was a strong-willed child and shares her insights about herself, along with a strong-willed child she raised. It does come from a Christian perspective, but the tools and insights she offers are universal for any family with a strong-willed child.
You Can’t Make Me gives a lot of examples and stories from real life, which make the book very relatable. By first explaining how strong-willed children think, a parent gains insight into why the child acts like he or she does. It’s in their nature to fight for a choice in life because deep down, they know they can’t be made to do anything if they’re willing to face the consequences. She also strongly focuses on building a relationship with the child and explaining why something matters. Those are the two key tools to parenting a strong-willed child well.
I would highly recommend You Can’t Make Me to any and every parent. Many friends I know have strong-willed children, but there are also many children that can be strong-willed in just certain situations or times of their lives. The tips offered are great for any parent to know about and use.
Do you have a strong-willed child? Share a story about them on the blog!
